44 to go

I don't know if it's the fever that's been hitting on and off the last few days, or if I'm just generally tired, or if it's because I just finished writing my monthly log book for internship, but I just wish I was done. Done with internship, done with pretending I give a crap about what I'm doing, done with holding everything in.

Having to list out all the crap that has happened every month in my log book while censoring myself in case I shoot myself in the foot has gotten so tiring. Honestly, how can anyone take this stupid logbook thing seriously when everyone censors themselves? No one wants to flunk their internship, so of course they're going to write the good things that happened, and what invaluable learning experiences they were.

Despite every word of it being a load of crap.

You think I'd write how much I hate working for Crappy Clown in my logbook? Or how much I hate the fact that being on shoot with the dumbASS crew feels like I'm being watched on cctv? (And I just realized the pun which is completely unintended but completely suitable.) Or how working with her has made me so disillusioned that I'm wondering if I've wasted my life the last three years?

Of course I wouldn't. Because I might fail internship. And that has got to be the worst thing to endure. Because it would mean I'd have to repeat this all over again. And trust me when I say I'll do that over my dead body.

Please, please, please, let me survive 44 more days.