revelations and epiphanies.

I spent the whole morning before we met that day thinking to myself: "This means nothing." Telling myself over and over again.

Halfway through the day I realized I didn't need to tell myself that anymore. This really means nothing. This is what we are, and all that we'll ever be.

I didn't have a huge epiphanistic moment, just a quiet revelation that occurred around our third location of the day, which is way better than that devastating burst of ohmygod-this-is-it.

And you know what? I'm really okay with this. It's a resolution of sorts, but also a step towards something else. Something more honest and open.

Ironically there seems to be a subtle shift with us. I used to be the more active person between us, and now it seems I'm the more passive one. You're initiating a lot more than you ever used to, even before this whole insane debacle happened.

It's actually sort of curious how this whole incident has changed the dynamic between us. And I suppose, changed us a little. It feels like a good change, something positive for us. Something really positive for me. It's been awhile since I've felt this light-hearted and happy.

Then again, maybe it's that odd optimistic feeling that seems to be dancing around me of late. Maybe working in a place where you get to play with Kung Fu Panda and the Madagascar penguins everyday is rubbing off. I'm not as grumpy and cynical as I used to be. It's kinda heartening.

And maybe it's the fact that I've got a cold and my head is so stuffed it feels like I have cotton for brains.

I don' t know if I should be disturbed that I'm feeling slightly cheery by that thought.